No pics, just observations

Have you ever just had something hit you for no apparent reason? No, not a ball or a rock, but a thought? I had something hit me really hard and completely out of nowhere the other day. All these years I have been conviced I knew who my first love was, only to come to the realization that he wasn't. He was just a teenage crush, he just happened to be my first real boyfriend so I guess I thought that must be my first love. It hit me the other day who my first love really is. You know you read these stories about a soldier going off to war and leaving his girl behind and something happens? [insert sappy love shit here] and they never see each other again? He thinks about her on occasion but he ends up getting married to a nice woman and his kid or grandkid find the picture of her years later. Well that's my life. Kasey or Cheyenne are going to be going through my stuff when I'm old, asking me who this guy is. I'm not even sure of the whole story myself. But I do know that when I see his picture or think back (a couple few years!) I get these weird feelings that I don't know what to do with. I've only had them about him. Now you may be saying to yourself (or me!) Amy, you're married remember? Well yes I remember that's why I haven't done anything about hunting him down (even though I know right where he is [see WWI and WWII people needed myspace!]). Jim is the one I settled for. I know that and I have to live with that. But I still dream about the day I am able to run into his arms and feel his hands and his breath on me. I need to write a Gosh darn book. I have way too much drama to keep inside!